Heroic Beginnings? Accidental Hero by on

Road To Recovery

14 July 2013

Dear Diary:

I woke in a dumpster in Westside today. Thankfully, my armor protects me from the filth. One of those ruffian gang members shoved me off the roof while I was giving chase. FINE! I failed my jump to the next rooftop, bounced off the fire escape, and knocked my head against the edge of the dumpster that caught me. Are you happy to know the embarrassing truth, Diary?

Shamefully, my combat prowess is lacking as the peons bested me. There was a time when I could easily dispatch my opponents even when greatly outnumbered. Damn that woman and her shoddy maintenance crew! I still don’t remember how I came to be back on Earth. Or a lot of other things for that matter.

A nice, relaxing message sounds amazing right now. Not one of the services this seedy hotel offers, sadly. Falling from a rooftop, even only a few stories, is quite painful. I had to limp here after rolling out of the trash. Humiliating. One of the idiots donated his wallet for me to pay for this room. Very kind of him. Even left his identification so that I may thank him with my sword later. It pleases me that these ruffians never bother to cancel their credit cards; else I’d never have funds. Of course, if they had even a speck of intelligence, they would not choose Westside as their home.

Well, Diary, It is time for me to rest. We’ll chat tomorrow.

Safer Streets Thanks To New Hero

WestSide crime rates have fallen since the appearance of a new hero called Lady Blades. Some are saying the woman is far too violent, but many are hailing her as exactly the kind of hero WestSide needs. This new hero clad in red armor wielding a sword and hand blades normally leaves criminals dead where she cuts them down. City officials estimate that the cost of cleaning up the bodies is less than a tenth of the cost used for prosecution and imprisonment. And that’s before factoring in that most criminals are repeat offenders.

“Thanks to the revolving door those ass hats installed, criminals are back on the streets in no time. Dead criminals can’t do that, so this chick is just what we need.”

26 July 2013

It’s been a while since we spoke, Diary. Those filthy gang members aren’t as brain damaged as I thought. They barged into my room while I rested and made sure to beat me into a deeper sleep. Not before I kicked one out the window. I believe I broke a few things on some of the others as well.

When I awoke, I was fastened to a chair in only my undergarments. Criminals these days have no manners! They were smart, or perhaps poor, enough to use duct tape. I find it so much more difficult to break out of such restraints compared to traditional ones. I wasn’t exactly alert when I woke up, but several slaps and some ice water fixed that.

One of them, a leader I presume, started droning on about all of the new supers causing havoc for his business. The simpleton was trying to bore me to death, I’m sure of it. It almost worked. Just when I was about to ask if they would kindly shoot me in the head, the leader ceased his monologue. Clearly, no one told him that those are reserved for real villains, not pitiful gang members. He didn’t like how I mentioned being grateful for his silence. I lost a few teeth for that.

They asked an endless barrage of question I couldn’t answer and smacked me around for a bit. Eventually, they became bored and decided just to shoot me and be done. One of the many times I am glad to have replaced the metal plate in my head with materials I used in my armor. No mere handgun could even scratch such a surface. It was an expensive and painful procedure, but more than worth it considering how often I am shot at. Especially then, as they shot me in the head. It was still messy enough for them to think me dead.

I couldn’t say how much time passed before I found myself taking a dirt nap. Literally. They didn’t put much effort into the shallow grave. Lazy, good for nothing peons. Not that I should complain. Being buried properly would mean suffocating while unconscious. They were thoughtful enough to leave all of my things, including the credit cards I’d pilfered. I must make my way to City Center at some point. Surely, their hotels have better security so that I may rest peacefully.

A random passer-by saw me stumbling about and took me to a nearby clinic. I have no idea how I managed to get my armor on and things together. I barely remember crawling out of the grave as it is. I spent a few days recovering enough that I could walk on my own, paying for my stay with the generous donations of lesser criminals. If you were wondering, Diary, yes, it was Asrea who took me to the clinic. I simply cannot get away from that woman.

Unfortunately, the doctor had to shave my head so that he could piece the skin together. At least it won’t scar thanks to my improved healing. I have enough of those. Apparently, I have a great deal of possible brain damage that may or may not be permanent. I’m hardly concerned as I had heavy damage before that hasn’t fully healed. It all will eventually. I didn’t steal technological advancements from other villains for nothing. As long as I’m not dead I should be able to heal from anything sooner or later. Although, I have not yet tested this theory on limb regeneration nor am I eager to.

Back to the story, I left the hospital after only a few days, much to my doctor’s dismay. I have no interest in being prodded and studied. That and hospitals bother me. I was able to hobble elsewhere and did so. Thankfully, my armor includes a helmet that I’ve been using frequently. I look frightening with my injuries. It also made it easy to check into the hotel. In fact, I seem to have made a name for myself and the staff recognized me from the news as a new hero. They insisted I stay freely. Ha! If only they knew that these lesser criminals a perfect targets to regain my skills and for easy funds. It’s not as if they will report crimes to the police.

I will likely stay her for a few more days. The staff seems overjoyed at my presence here and have encouraged me to stay as long as I like. SNN has decided to call me Lady Blades. Such a silly name.

I must turn in early tonight, Diary. I have an autograph signing tomorrow.

Heroic Beginnings? Perks of the Job